FAQ

Wait, you really clicked this? Frequently Asked Questions? This site has so little content I'm not sure if it even legally exists, so for now I'm just going to invent questions on behalf of a hypothetical troll and then answer them. See, the menu bar looks kinda bare and I need something to pad it out, and I figure schizophrenia will do as well as anything.

FAQ: Your site looks like a monkey fucked a keyboard. Who the hell built this?

Me: I built this site with my own two hands.

FAQ: With what, a microwave and a broken calculator?

Me: The experience has taught me to stick to my strengths. It took me forever to work out how to CSS enough MySQLs into the FTP to PHP my HTFML. I mean, even now the place is clearly short a few acronyms.

FAQ: Why do you tend towards self-abuse when left to talk to yourself?

Me: I am compulsively drawn to hurt people. When there's nobody to hurt, I turn on myself. It's all very poetic.

FAQ: You spell colour with a 'u', and measure quantities using strange, esoteric markings. What witchcraft is this?

Me: Metric became the world's dominant measuring system decades ago. We're still waiting for the US to catch up.

FAQ: What is your favourite word?

Me: 'Conflagration'.